There are some simple basic rules to live by as an adult, in fact I would not even call them rules, I would call them common sense standards. It amazes me on a daily basis how many people lack these standards and manage still to exist while living in their deluded made up world of fantasy. I often wonder: who raised these selfish, mindless fools?! Then I have to remember that as much as we want to and tend to blame the parents, it is all too easy to open your eyes and your mind and learn things yourself. I am astonished by the number of people that I know that are blindly selfish when it comes to attending get-togethers. When you go to someones house be it for a casual event or a formal Christmas party,
ALWAYS BRING SOMETHING. You should never have to be asked to bring something, ever. You should always offer, or bring it automatically. I don't care if the Queen of England invited you over. You know that bitch doesn't need wine--she's got servants to do that stuff for her--THAT-IS-NOT-THE-POINT. The point is, my fair weathered friends, it is the gesture. It is a showing of appreciation for this woman (sorry guys I am being gender bias for a minute) who probably slaved all effing day cleaning her house, running all over god's creation buying paper plates, cocktail napkins, utensils, and then had to run back out with curlers in her hair because she forgot ice (why do we always forget the effing ice???). If she has "help" (i.e. husband and kids) their help was to stay the eff out of the way while she cleans, sets up, cooks, cleans again, shops, stocks, and prepares her house for this party that she swore was a good idea a few weeks ago but is cursing with every sweep of the mop. If you happen to be one of those women, or know one, that has paid help and she hasn't lifted a finger to prepare for this party other then to send out invitations and spend all day in front of a glowing mirror while wearing feathered slippers, once again--THAT-IS-NOT-THE-POINT. The point is that this savvy lady thought enough ahead to throw a party which will have booze and yummy food on a night when you otherwise would be sitting at home eating a microwave meal and watching reruns of The Golden Girls. So get your ass to the store and blow the $7.99 on a bottle of wine as a thank you. If you want to be even classier and guarantee an invite at every party this fancy pants lady throws, buy a bottle of wine for the party and a bottle of wine for the hostess!!
This brings me to my most serious point. WHAT **rips hair out of head** WHAT in baby cheez-its name happened to the hostess gift? Back in the day when avocado was the color of choice whilst picking out kitchen decor it was UNHEARD OF to attend a party and not bring a hostess gift. Why you might ask should I bring a gift for a woman (again gender...sorry) who chose on her own free will to throw a party? Answer: because it is the classy thing to do. See above: you did not have to clean your house, spend all day and an ungodly amount of money shopping for this party AND you will not have to clean up the party and the random items that have broken during this festive event (there is always one glass that bites the dust...sad). People use to bring bottles of wine, liquor, nibbles, candles, all of which were NOT...I repeat...NOT expected to be consumed while the party was going on. It was a gift...follow me here...for the hostess to enjoy on her
own. Most likely while rubbing her feet and sitting on her kitchen floor surrounded by a mess, but that is what you bought it for right? Right.
So to wrap up my angry sermon on the mound: if you are invited to something...anything...bring a bottle of wine or something to eat (or hell go crazy and do both). Even if you are not asked, even if you are told not to, do it. Who wouldn't want an extra bottle of wine in their house or some extra nibbles to munch on later? It's the classy thing to do people. Stay classy.
**I will climb off my soap box now.....where's the wine?**
