Gone fishin'

Sometimes I wish there weren't so many fish in the sea.  Recently I have found myself wishing I was back in "the olden days" when you got to a certain age you were just paired up with someone.  Wam bam you had yourself a husband.  Forget that you were 12 and he was probably your cousin, that is neither here nor there, the point is you didn't have to go on countless blind dates or battle through myriads of men looking for a mother or a meal ticket.  I am sick of the dating world.  The other night while talking to a dear friend of mine about my past relationships my roommate interjected by asking me "have you ever dated someone normal?!" and I thought about it for a second and after much serious contemplation with lots of eye squinting (squinting helps you remember those that you choose to forget...trust me) I could only think of one person that I have dated that was semi normal.  I use the word dating with him very softly as it was more of a friendship that turned into us living together...in a one bedroom...one bed...ok you see where I am going.  So technically that wasn't really "dating".  There was no "I love you", in fact I remember the first and only time he said "I miss you" and it was weird.  Ok so ya, I have never had a "normal" relationship.  After being single for over a year...yes over a year you heard me right...and after several failed attempts by my lovely friends to set me up with someone I have ventured into the world of online dating.  **HUGE GASP**  I know I know!  I have to admit I fell for those eHarmony commercials like a lead balloon.  It was bad.  Not to mention the months and months of my friends suggesting...ok demanding...me to try online dating.  I guess my endless cat stories are getting old and they would rather hear something other then what Lyla did this morning..I can't understand why.  Anyway, I signed my single self up for online dating thinking, hoping, wishing, and yes praying that something would happen that would give me something else to do on a Saturday night other then drink wine and love on my cats.  Not.that.I.am.complaining.  *Ahem...haters* Well my fair weathered friends let me just tell you the online dating world is NO BETTER then wandering into your local watering hole and meeting all of the creepy-mc creepers that are there giving you the googly eyes.  The way online pimps get ya is to send you ENDLESS emails about so-and-so and how they could be a match, or how they want to communicate, or whatever and you get these ridiculous questions and weird "ice-breakers" that make no sense and then when you try to communicate you can't tell if your damn message was sent or if you sent it 4 times on accident and now he thinks you are a stalker...amazing.  PLUS...and not to sound shallow, I know Victoria's Secret isn't beating down my door for me to do a cover shoot, but FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS CLEAN AND HOLY these men are NOT attractive.  Now I don't need me some Christian Bale look alike...I would LOVE it...but I don't NEED it.  See what I have learned in my old age?  However some sexual attraction would be nice!  Some sort of...oooh he's cute...would be preferable!!  Like I said before, this is not the 1700's when all I have to pick from is my cousin, or the widower black smith with one hand.  I SHOULD HAVE SOME OPTIONS!  So yes, after my first few weeks of online dating I think it is safe to say it is no better fishin online then it is fishin in a dive bar...and at least with a dive bar you have booze and we all know everything is better with a little booze!! 

Why can't my work day go by this fast?

All year I long for the holiday season.  I am obsessed with anything fun and festive and nothing embodies the fun and festiveness that I love like the months of October, November, and December.  I am that person that experiences a state of euphoria while putting up holiday decorations and like wise goes through a kind of depression while I put away these holiday decorations.  I feel like all year I am waiting and waiting and waiting to get to this time and then FLASH its over and I am back to being sad and counting down until the next holiday season.  Same happened this year with October.  It flew by so fast the fake spider webs I put up for Halloween almost blew away.  Zoom!  Why can't my work day go that fast?  Tonight I have my sad chore of putting away all of my cute little tea-light ghosts and bats and witchy hats.  I am mildly comforted with the idea that I don't have to put ALL of my decor away...the pumpkin spice candles and sparkly autumn leaves can stay out to welcome November (my birthday month...ahem...) get to stay out.  Soon...like tomorrow soon...I will further distract myself with the construction of my Thanksgiving menu, to be followed closely behind by the creation of my evite for the 2nd annual Ugly Christmas Sweater Party, and then Christmas shopping and tree shopping, and more decorating...all to be filled with copious amounts of Sees Candy!!  Ooooh you holiday season!!

(I included a picture of The Ninnie because she looks so precious hidden--or trying to hide--amongst the presents....and because I love cats...oooh so much)

Hello writers block....

The thing about writing a blog is...you have to have people that actually read your blog for it to be successful, because without people reading it you are just rambling on and on into the great blue yonder of the world wide web.  I have had a raging case of writers block recently...otherwise known as PMS...and I have been more cranky then inspired.  This morning as I was procrastinating working, per usual, I was reading The Pioneer Woman's website (which I HIGHLY recommend).  She is hilarious and I read a part of her blog that gave some advice on how to blog successfully.  One of her suggestions was even when you have writers block--->me<---you should still write.  Write about nothing, post a picture, write about your morning routine, about the microwave dinner you had last night, etc.  She also said that a blog exists because of its most loyal readers and that a blogger should thank them as often as possible for making your senseless Internet ramblings feel important :)  So today I am dedicating my writers block blog to my friend Julie because of her constant encouragement --some might call it nagging but that might be the PMS talking ;)--and praise for my blog...no matter what nonsense I blog about...and for her pestering (again nagging...oh that evil PMS!) for new blog posts.  Thanks Julie for all of the blog love and support! 

Oh!  And a kitty picture, cause what doesn't make you feel all warm and fuzzy other then kitties?  Well wine does that too....mmmmm wine.

If you cook it...they will come...

Ok so recently I have been having trouble getting friends and family together for dinner because of all of our conflicting schedules!  I mean when did we get so busy people??!!  As you all know I have a serious addiction to getting people together and planning events for no good reason (which is a great reason in itself) but its hard to have these ooberly amazing get togethers when no one shows.  So as we inch into my favorite cooking season (my crock pot and I our best friends) I have been worried that I wont be able to have some riotous dinner parties with everyone being so busy.  Then I had a thought...if you cook it...they will come.  There is something to be said for most people (not me) where planning ahead hinders their decision making...why this is I do not know I am a crazy cat lady not a psychiatrist...and sometimes if you just say "dinner at my house tonight!!" with about 2 hours notice people tend to show.  This is a strange idea for someone like me who usually plans out her schedule weeks in advance (less because I am oh so popular and more because I am a control freak and I drool over the idea of filling the little boxes on my calendar with fun stuff to do!  Yippie).  That is the plan then: if I cook it they will come.  I will start by crafting up a soup tomorrow evening.  This is kiiiind of a side-ways way of me getting rid of stuff in my freezer--don't judge--just eat.  I have had a ham bone and cut up ham in my freezer since...well since the last big holiday when you eat ham (I am not going to get specific it has been so long, so if you guess I am not going to admit it--ADMIT NOTHING).  I am going to dump--in a very epicurean fancy chef way--a ton of ham and beans and onions and carrots and other fun stuff into my trusty crock pot (I just decided to name him Lewis) and then...Lewis...(it will catch on) will spend all day making those ingredients all warm and cozy and delicious.  Then I will send out a text and say: dinner at my house, come and get it.  I can hear the thundering foot steps as people run through my door waving their bowls and spoons over their heads.  It'll happen.  Try and deny me now dear friends!!!!

Don't drink the water.....

Don't drink the water!  It is making everyone pregnant!!! 

For a while now it seems not a day goes by when another friend of mine announces they are pregnant.  Each time I am met with the same inner response of:  REALLY?  Why in the hell are you having a baby?!  Then I remind myself that I am not 14 anymore and it is perfectly acceptable for women my age (remember...30...rockets...warp speed ahead...ya I knew you would remember).  I love baby showers (but not dry ones, not all of us should have to suffer and be sober), I love the smell of babies, their cuteness, the idea of a new life, I love it all.  Just.not.for.me.  In fact when I even think about the idea of having a baby I imagine myself running down a dark hallway in an abandoned building, arms flailing, tripping over my own feet--which by the way you never do when you are running normally, but it seems to ALWAYS happen when you are running from something scary...like pregnancy...ok just go with me on this one.  So I am always running from it, sweating, and tripping, and I just get away by hiding in some rusty filing cabinet (how I fit in there is neither here or there, it is a nightmare and crazy stuff just works in a nightmare).  When I was a kid, or even a few years ago, I would have never thought that I would come to the conclusion that I don't want children.  The way most little girls are raised--intentionally or not--it is part of being a woman.  We grow up to get married and have families.  I don't remember once, not once, someone telling me when I was younger "you don't have to have babies and get married".  Not once.  Funny because it is totally ok.  Not every woman has to get married and not every woman has to have children.  I am totally content with being "Auntie Hattie" to every precious little bundle that all of my friends have (and at this pace they are having like rabbits :D ).  Auntie Hattie with her ever full glass of wine, her kitty cat hair covered sweater, and her quick ability to give you a kiss or a stern slap on the ass...which ever is needed at that moment :}  I thank all of the ladies out there that are taking one for this crazy cat lady and populating the world with precious babies so I can have more cats...and drink more wine.  Cheers to you!

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish

There has been a lot of death and tragedy in my world recently.  Some close to home, others not so close to home but still very sad to hear about.  Yesterday Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple and Pixar, lost his battle with cancer and while I did not know him personally I felt the loss of a true visionary, and a man that took the phrase "everything happens for a reason" seriously.  I have said before in my blog that it chaps my ass when things are not going right in my life and someone has the nerve to say "Don't worry, everything happens for a reason".  My instinct is to respond: f*ck you.  Not very lady like I know, but let the truth be told: I don't do many lady like things when I am upset.  In 2005 Steve Jobs gave the commencement speech at Stanford University and for such an intelligent man that could have talked about anything he chose to give a speech that focused on the idea of allowing life to take its course, that yes everything does happen for a reason no matter how horrible it may seem.  Not being able to afford rent or food, getting fired, being told you have a debilitating disease; all of these things are horrible life changing moments but according to Steve Jobs it is what made his life as amazing as it is.  All of those "dots" he saw and leading him to where he was suppose to be, and while it is a struggle to get through them at times, he encourages us to embrace the good with the bad and to use that to push us and to give us drive to strive for happiness and excellence.  He took himself from collecting bottles to feed himself, to founding the most powerful and innovative computer animation company on the planet.  He was not super privileged with family money or connections, he did it with hard work and determination to follow his heart and live his dream. 

I have to admit I fall all to often into the mental obis that happens when things don't go my way or when the world starts to pile hurdles in front of me.  I think we all do.  I vow that from here on out I am going to remember Steve Jobs and his great speech and his advice:

                    "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."

---Steve Jobs

Listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain....

It is October 5th now, and for those of you that read my last posting about the reoccurring dreams that I have be REST ASSURED I had all of my Halloween decorations displayed in all of their glory by noon on October 1st.  **Huge sigh of relief felt around the world**  Naturally, as with every year, I feel like I need (not want...need) more decorations as it doesn't really feel like Halloween threw up all over my house yet...and I stress yet.  This is the beginning of my favorite season.  The cold weather...which in reality it never gets cold in Santa Barbara...however if that thermometer even THINKS about dipping below 60 degrees you will see folks around here dressed up like a freaking Thomas Kinkade Winter Wonderland painting...no joke.  I can't wait for it to get "cold" so I can dust off the ol dutch oven and my trusty crock pot and fill my house with the delectable scents of fall time comfort foods!!

I woke up in the middle of the night last night to the sound of pouring rain and I immediately thought it couldn't have come at a better time.  Rain forces us to slow down our normal day-to-day and encourages us to head inside, cuddle up with some hot cocoa or a large glass of red wine (juuust sayin), and reflect on life (or in my case watch Law and Order SVU marathon).  Gloomy weather also feeds a ravenous desire in me to cook something comforting, something warm, and something that has nothing to do with healthy or leafy.  No sir it does not.  We are talking potatoes, meat, lots of "sauciness" to sop up with (Atkins dieters beware!!!)  HUGE pieces of crusty bread!!  Ohhh my mouth waters just thinking about it.  I love the idea candles lit everywhere, Frank Sinatra blaring on Pandora, bottles of wine being opened (oh how I love that popping sound!), and a gaggle of ladies standing around my kitchen as a large pot of meaty, potato-y, goodness bubbles away on my stove.  As I have said before this is my season, this is my favorite time of year. 

This weekend I have planned to make my inaugural roast of the season, and if I can remember to take pictures of it before it gets devoured...last time I remembered as I scraped the last bit of gravy off of my plate...I will take pictures!  Less to show you my cooking skills **breaths on finger nails and polishes them on sweater** and more to brag about a belly full of amazing meat and potatoes!  **Rubs belly with satisfied grin on face**  (ok that one went too far......)